Monday, November 5, 2012

Stormy seas and a gentle breeze

Love
Is not the highs and lows
It's not the moments of joy
Or the tears of frustration
It is the empty moments
That fall through the
Cracks;
The silences that comfortably
Rest between two souls
Knitted together

Friday, October 12, 2012

Time travel is exausting

But worth it.
   I remember back when I was a child, and  I go back to a simpler time. A time before facebook, when (if you were lucky) you had a personal website like this.
   No cellphones meant that you had to meet someone at an established meeting place at a specific time. If you were late, with no way to call they either sat there...or left you.
  No facebook and cellphone meant you actually had to carry a camera AND get pictures developed to show your friends what a cool time you had! Then there was that decision...to pay the extra for the one hour photo developing or drop the film off and come back. That's right, film. Half the time you had no idea what your pictures looked like or how many pictures of your hand you were paying for.
   The word "google" had no meaning, but if you were a smarty pants (like me) you were familiar enough with the pages of the Encyclopedia Britannica and Merriam-Webster's to whip out an answer when challenged.
   Blockbuster was a real thing, not a movie ATM in supermarkets.
   Downloading music was a new fad, a lot of people didn't think it would last. Why download music onto a tiny chip when you can just play all your awesome albums in your Walkman? Sure, if you jostled it too much it would skip, but wearing one made rollerblading look that much cooler.
That is, if you had batteries.

   Words like "organic" "vegan" and "free-range" were not in the common vocabulary, they were mainly used by fringe groups in LA or hippies. Hummus in the grocery store? Please, you were lucky if there was more than one kind of yogurt. 
      YouTube didn't exist, but your parents probably had one of these:
It was pretty neat, and you could make videos to show all your friends that had VCR's. Editing didn't exist though, so use with caution. You never know when you might record something embarrassing...
  "Viral" was actually a medical term, landlines were the only lines, you bought CD's, rented movies and asked for directions. 
   Oh yes, they were simpler times....

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The End

I wanted a love that was tender and sweet,
you had a lover that left no room for me.
We tried to make the pieces meet,
we rounded sharp edges till our fingers bled

I miss the way our fingers curled,
together as we made plans we couldn't keep.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, never turned to today,
you lost the love I gave away
I loved you like the honey loves the bees,
like the flowers love the trees
In a million, thousand ways
I never knew how to say, or when

Mirror, mirror

The problem with comparing yourself to other people, is that you will almost always come up in the middle. The drug dealer that beats his wife says "at least I've never killed anyone", the girl volunteering at the homeless shelter knows she's no Mother Theresa.
   We all can find someone better than us at something-someone who is faster, smarter or stronger. When all we see are our shortcomings, we miss the big picture.

  To the girl who doesn't measure up-don't try to be Mother Theresa, you never will be. Even if you did every last thing just as she did, you would just be some person trying to be Mother Theresa.
    To the man trying to prove he's better than the "other guys"-stop trying to find someone worse than you and try to find who the best person you can be really is. Because in the end, the greatest thing we can do is not be better than someone else, but be the best version of ourselves.....

Last Call

   I wish, for a moment, that I smoked. I wish for right now, there were a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, so I could walk across the bar to ask for a light.
   Handlebar mustache, piercing eyes and a loud belt buckle, he stood. Just far enough away that I couldn't strike up a casual conversation, but close enough to see the outlines of his tattoo beneath his shirt.
  Eyes catching, I hold his glance for several moments before I look a way. I tell my self I'm going to strike up a conversation, borrow a cigarette I don't need. I imagine the worst he can say, even that better than wondering. One more deep breath, I gather my courage. Can I do this? I wish I had something to hold in my hands to make me look more important and less alone. I start to feel confident, I set my feet in a path towards him.
   A pretty girl walks up and I turn away. I can compete with my fears, but not my insecurity.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Everyone is entitled...to my own opinion

   Four more years. That is what is on every one's minds, lips and facebooks. Right, left or dissatisfied? No matter what side you are on, you can always find a trendy article to post on your timeline to show everyone how very educated and politically responsible you are.
   It's the time of year the gloves come off and we start insult our friends and family for their inability to grasp the truths that are so obvious to us, or their tired indifference. Instead of posting things about why our candidate represents what we believe, we undermine what others value "I can't believe people can watch this and still vote for Obama!!! Let's take America back people!" and "Mitt Romney is rich! All politicians should be poor!!"

   To all my friends on the left-I get it, you don't like corporations. I hate wal-mart too, but sometimes convenience really is worth it. All the food that is killing you isn't being shoved down your throat while a gun is pointed at your head. I'll tell you I'm all in favor of local and organic food, and while I'm not a fan of chemicals added to my everyday food, I think the preservatives added to my diet coke are less dangerous than living a hundred years ago before modern medicine.

...life expectancy rose dramatically in the United States over the past century. Final data for 2003 (the most recent available) show that life expectancy at birth for the total population has reached an all-time American high level, 77.5 years, up from 49.2 years at the turn of the 20th century

   The government and corporations aren't poisoning us, progress just comes at a price.

 
 
   To those on the right, especially the christian ones-I'm pretty sure the bible has a few things to say about honoring all authority, not just the ones you like (1 Peter 2:13-17). If you can't give your opinions in a way that is not disrespectful, please take the "christian" off of your "christian conservative" label.
  I myself vote for the GOP and align myself with their values and most policies. However, loudly voicing your distaste for the "welfare state" while gassing up your mini-van is a little obnoxious. Sending twenty dollars a month to a poor child in Africa is hardly charity when you think nothing of spending three times that amount on a haircut.
   Also, to the ones that scream "don't raise my taxes!!"-do you drive your car on a road that was paved by taxes? Go to a school funded by state and federal taxes? Check out material at a library? Spend time at the park? We are also in a war, by the way. Not all taxes are bad, and if you use it you should pay for it (King George was taking out stuff and taxing us, not the same thing).
   From where I stand, the problem is not in the politicians in Washington, but in ourselves. If we find it so difficult to find common ground with our friends and families, people we love and care about, why do we expect it from those we elect? We feel unrepresented as "the little people", when we are actually being represented exactly as we are.
    So go ahead, blame the right wing agenda and the liberal media for the problems in America, heap accusations on the president and corporations for everything wrong in country...because in a nation "for the people, by the people" it can be a little awkward to find the one to blame in the mirror.
  
 In the middle, I'm a conservative that cares about the poor, doesn't believe that every homeless person is a hopeless drug addict and opposes the death penalty. I believe that abortion is murder, states should be "Free and Independent" and that the government has overstepped it's bounds in a tragic way. 
  
 But mostly, I believe in this country, and I believe in these people.  
 
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed....
 
 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Love is a verb.

   God is Love. But not all love is of God.
The love of money.
The love of power.
   These loves are not of God. For love to be of God, it must be a true love, and it must be a love of something that is true.
   The free love revolution is not true, because Love is exclusive. You cannot Love many things. To say "I love humanity" is meaningless-love your neighbor, mow his lawn when he is sick, make him dinner when he is poor. To use the word without the action is a lie.
   "Like" is a word we scramble up and confuse for love. I like coffee, I like sunsets, I like barbeque. I have probably said that I love them-but I would never climb a mountain of thorns for them, give up all my physical possessions for them, or die for them.
I love my family.
I love my God.
In a way, I love my country.

God is Love, but God does not love everything.
God loves everyone.
God does not love murder.
God does not love the war that is in each man's soul.



Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

-St. Paul, First Letter to the Corinthians 

















Friday, July 27, 2012

Regrets-those I have and those I have met.

Regret.                                  
People say a lot of dumb things about their regrets.
"I don't regret any of the things I have done, they have made me who I am today."
Really.
Because you are a MUCH better version of yourself with your ex-girlfriend's name tattooed I'm your back.
Whatever you say.
"All the mistakes I've made of taught me what not to do."
There is a point in time where this is no longer valid. If a 2 year-old sticks their finger in an electrical socket, they learn their lesson. If a 12 year-old does it, we wonder what is wrong with them. After awhile we are expected to understand the consequences of an action before we do it-not "learn our lesson" after the fact.
I'll admit it, I've kissed a lot of frogs and taken many a dangerous path. Some of them did lead me a valuable lesson that will help me in the future. Some if them though, were just mistakes that I wish I has never made, because of how they slowed me down, darkened my eyes and hurt the ones I love.
Think, before you act...and regret, because without it you would be condemned to always repeat your mistakes.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

How sweet it is!

Home!
   Small word, big meaning. Sleeping in your own bed. Familiar voices in the morning, not needing your GPS to get to the store.
   It's the little things.
   Cliche, but true.
   Today, I was back with my family and in church, when I spotted the Dunkin Donuts cup. Now, I am a Starbucks woman myself, but at that moment I thought-"hey, coffee's coffee!" and took a sip.

 That might seem odd to you, that I would just grab a cup, not knowing whose it was, and drink it. Well, suffice it to say, my family doesn't have those boundaries. Besides, what are a few germs between sisters? (I was assuming one of my sisters had snuck it in). Apparently they had....a week or two ago.

Nooooo!

   Ah! How sweet it is......not.

Fort Sumter, SC


   The air in Charleston is heavy with the dreams of past generations, the streets still echoing with the sounds of a history slowly fading from its memory. 

   Near the battery, I can feel the heartache of hundreds of young lovers as they watched their men,  in shining buttons and steely grey prepare for war.
   Girls, barely old enough to know why, kissed boys with clean faces and fire in their eyes, not knowing they would come home with bitter tears on weathered cheeks-if they came home at all.
   The trumpets, the parades, the boasting! Rich and poor brought together by a common brotherhood, exchanged drinks and tall tales of southern strength and pride. 

   Fort Sumter, the place that changed the face of America-the painful choice of General Anderson, his inability to staunch the bloodlust that had begun to sweep both the north and the south. Proud men, full of honor, given to protect their homeland-separated by their definition, forced to take up arms against each other. 

   Streets that once rang with shouts and cheers lay silent in siege. A proud city, like its people, fell defeated. The glory of war was traded for the brutality of brothers bitterly opposed. The marching bands and pre-war balls gave way to dirges and empty seats. Boastful lips fell silent, as men struggled to adjust to life as cripples, missing so much more than an arm, a leg, an eye. The way of life that they had left would never return again, except in the imagination of those walking the streets today.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

City girl, Country life


   Worms. Not just any worms, big fat nightcrawlers. So big you have to pinch them in half, getting their insides spurted on you before sliding them on the hook.
  Yup, I'm not in New Port Richey anymore. Still, standing yards away from a corn field watching the sun spill over the pond, line in hand, makes me feel a certain homey warmth.
   I am far from home, in south middle Tennessee-again, spending time with Kadee, my best friend. In one afternoon and two evenings we caught upwards of 45 little pan fish-mostly blue gill. However, there were two bass that we cleaned and cooked up!
  

  I might have a slight obsession with waterfalls. Once, I got lost in the backwoods of Alabama looking for one. This time, I didn't get lost! I even found a new friend-Josh Montgomery, a local writer and poet looking for inspiration in the falls.




Jacks Bar-B-Que
  Of course, the food. We stopped into Jack's Barbeque for some of the best ribs I've ever had-and I've had some ribs!


   It's crazy how facebook connects people. Here I am, in Tennessee, far from home and I meet up with some friends I haven't seen in ages! Downtown Nashville lit me up with bright lights, country music and a carriage ride (thanks to the Thomas family!). I even took a short line dance lesson at the Wild Horse Saloon.
With the Thomas sisters.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Good food and great times

I do not drive in the mountains. At least, Kadee does not allow me to at night....
We (Kadee) drove through the night and finally arrived in Denver, Colorado.  

We went to the Denver Zoo...




So good! Mine was pineapple, bleu cheese, barbeque sauce and gauc!


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And then got burgers at the Cherry Cricket!





The next day, we took a trip to Boulder, Colorado-about a 40 minute drive. 

Went hiking


And then....
CASA BONITA!!!
     
There was a waterfall INSIDE the restaurant. Actually, the whole place was sort of a weird theme park-meets restaurant deal. 
Probably why it was featured on South Park....

CASA BONITA!!!!
\

Friday, June 8, 2012

On a personal note

  
   Every once in awhile is it alright to curl up to a silly romance with some chocolate and cry over the ones that didn't make it? The lost loves, the ones you thought cared but in the end were able to erase you without blinking?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Eastward, ho!



It does, pun intended.
Kadee getting prepared for a sand storm




 
    

















    We cut our stay in Moab a day short when the weather took a turn. The local hostel (which had gotten a good recommendation by the locals), was booked for the next few days and neither of us felt like setting up a tent in the rain.


 


 

 
The Delicate Arch
















The hike to see the delicate arch wasn't long, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't arduous. Once we got to the top, the wind picked up and sprayed sand into our face, making the descent even more difficult.

















We ate at a little restaurant off main street, Eddie McStiff's-not the greatest, but the buffalo burger was great! Everyone there was very friendly and had Kadee showing off her Cracker Barrel tattoo to the table next to us, and I got offered a job!

At this point, I've seen a lot of red rock and desert. I'm ready for Colorado!!




Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Still in St. George

   Yesterday morning found us at The Barrel (can't seem to quit that place), having breakfast with a lovely couple from Kadee's church. After filling up on three cups of coffee, we were ready for adventure!


 
We went to the Zion National Park in southern Utah. It was beautiful! Bright red cliffs cut with a winding river and trickling falls, filled with bright flowers and lush trees.

    We hiked up to weeping rock and felt the cold stone as the water passed over it (no good for drinking though). There we met a couple who loved Kadee's license plate tattoos, something we have heard a lot since being here. They encouraged us to take the "million-dollar highway" on our way to Colorado for some spectacular views, I'll let you know how that goes.
Weeping Rock


Zion National Park
   Further in our hike we came to one of my favorite parts-the water! A stretch of the river was open for wading, so I took advantage of that to cool my tired feet. A word to the wise, river wading is NOTHING like the beach! Slippery rocks and rushing water made getting back up the bank a bit tiresome, but a great workout.































Buffalo Burger!
   Of course, I can't forget the food (duh). On the way back into town we stopped for...BUFFALO BURGERS! Trying one of these has been on my list for some time, so I'm glad we stopped. It was delicious, especially after a long day of hiking.










  Our evening was spent in Mesquite, Nevada, or "mini-vegas". After losing ten dollars in the slots, I was ready to go back to Utah, but I enjoyed the chance to get dressed up and go out.
Emily an Kadee with their winnings
   Crashing back at the room, we finished our girls night with a late night sleep over...although after all that hiking our late night wasn't really all that late.







Today we stopped by the farm near where Kadee grew up, and then we are on our way to the Dinosaur Museum! Kadee and I both had a stage growing up where we wanted to be paleontologists, so its the perfect place to end our stay in St. George.




This afternoon we will be making our way to northern Utah and Arches National Park!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

On the road


It began with a painting. In the Birmingham Museum of Art, Thomas Moran's rendition of the Grand Canyon stretched bigger than a Florida girl's imagination. Nine months later, car packed with camping supplies and headed to the unknown, I set my sights for the west....